Understanding and recognizing that your passion will never support you.
As nice as it would be, it won’t ever happen. I have to be realistic, y’know.
As much as I would like to be able to quit my job and work on my art and know that I will be able to afford my rent, bills, and groceries … I just don’t think I’m destined for it.
Too mediocre or something. Not grand enough. Who knows.
There are a few things that I really really want to do: I want to paint away all of my demons, I want to make soap, I want to keep bees, I want to grow my own food, I want to write and illustrate a children’s story, I want to try doing stand up, and I want to be able to support myself and not have to depend on anyone else (that’s the big one).
How do I go from wanting to having?
work work work work work work work
The irony in it is that even though my main goal is to be able to support myself, I can’t get there on my own. I need help … and I need loads of it.
Also, I’m tired of being alone. Always alone. Always feeling inadequate because I just can’t seem to attract anybody’s attention. Or actually, hold onto it…
Forgive me for this half asleep rant rant rant.
I’m not giving up. Oh hell no, I would go crazy if I did. I’m just accepting reality and, I don’t really know what I mean by any of this. I just woke up and needed to get this thing off of my chest and out of my mind.
You know when you read something and it’s sort of like finding a piece of your own thoughts?